NED & PEG! No Evidence of Disease! Plenty of Evidence of God! (A Love Story)

Jesus LOVES me this I KNOW. For even though the Bible tells me so, it is by His Mercy that I REALLY know.

Every scan done Wednesday (5/21/14) came back "great" according to my Melanoma Oncologist, Dr. Gary Doolittle. He said I made his job easy that day. On my way to KU Med Thursday to get my results, I was so confident that they would all be clear and that there would be NO active tumors, that I stopped by my favorite Kansas City ice cream shop - Murray's - for a pre-celebration cone of Smitty's French Lemon. On all the melanoma message boards, Facebook forums, Twitter and Instagram groups that I am a part of having to do with all things Stage IV Melanoma, people OFTEN complain about "scanxiety" - being anxious about their scans and awaiting the results. I have certainly experienced that before, but this time was different. As I told Mom, not even 1% of me was worried. I had THAT PEACE - the peace that TRULY surpasses ALL earthly understanding. (Phil 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.")

With my clean results, I am now able to shout from the rooftops, CaringBridge and Facebook that I am NED. When you have cancer, you WANT to be NED. NED is No Evidence of Disease. Because of my LDH and white blood cells, I still have melanoma and will always be Stage IV melanoma, but right now there are NO active tumors and THAT is what I care about the most. As I wrote in my Jesus Calling devotional yesterday, that buys me more time to spend BEing Brooklyn's mom and her tour guide. It allows me to encourage more people and share Jesus with everyone I know. It allows God to bring a strong man into my life who will love me through my cancer and not be threatened by the dynamic duo of The Pendarvis Girls. It allows me to have a fully open heart and make myself vulnerable to be loved by a caring, kind, intelligent, affectionate, hard-working, gentle, funny and compassionate man. A man that cooks as good as he looks. ;)

In addition to having NED, I also have PEG - Plenty of Evidence of God. NED and PEG go together like peanut butter and jelly, Becca and NYC, Sharpie pens and blank paper, rainy days and naps or red wine and rare steak. PERFECTLY. Through the past almost 15 months since my Stage IV diagnosis, I have had an abundance of blessings from God. Most, not all, but most, have come through OTHER PEOPLE. God has used so many of you to BE His Hands and Feet to Brooklyn and me. Whether you have taken subways to meet me at doctor appointments in the city (Jill and Angie), driven in from CT to take care of me, go to the ER, do massive amounts of research (Heather), help me move MULTIPLE times in NYC (again, Angie, along with my Washington Heights TGC crew), given us a beautiful, free place to stay on Riverside Drive (Courtney and Jerry!), unpack me in Lindsborg (Mom & Ed's church friends), drive UP and DOWN, and UP and DOWN I-70 to KU Med appts with me (MOM!!), watch Brooklyn for me (CC & Steve and Lorrissa and Auntie J & Uncle Carl and others), take me to the ER in Salina (Mor Mor), care for me (Aunt Peg), send cards, notes, gifts and PRAYERS (too many of you to give shout-outs to), send FOUR PINTS of THE BEST ICE CREAM IN THE WORLD overnight to me on dry ice (Ample Hills Creamery gang) or just read this blog and left encouraging words here or on Facebook - YOU have been used by God to show me PEG. I see PEG in the AWESOME, INCREDIBLE care I have been given at Memorial Sloan Kettering (NYC) and at The University of Kansas Cancer Center (KC). I see PEG in being covered by Medicare at the age of 44 and having the $7,200 every year to pay my out-of-pocket costs for the health care I am getting, along with the chemotherapy that has ranged from $4,300 - $14,560 per MONTH. I see PEG at my beloved Vineyard Church and in her people, from Curt leading worship to Fred teaching and to all our dear friends there who love us so very much!

In a couple of weeks I am going to see another example of PEG up close. Brooklyn and I have been GIFTED with our first trip to Hawaii. A lovely couple named Holly and Rick saw our video (www.vimeo.com/75652656) and contacted me. They want to bless us with a peaceful getaway at their guest cottage on Kauai. We fly to Honolulu on June 17th and are literally counting down the days. To say we are excited is an understatement. The number one thing at the TOP of my Bucket List is to swim with dolphins. This wish was made LONG before my Stage IV diagnosis. And it is going to come TRUE in three weeks! PEG, PEG, PEG!

Another dream I have (that part of me is even scared to share with you) is to fall in love for the LAST time. I want to be married. I want a husband. I want to model godly, romantic love to Brooklyn and provide her with an example of TRUE love. Love that is patient and kind, not jealous or self-seeking, love that keeps no records of wrongs and is not easily angered, love that protects, hopes, trusts and perseveres. Love that cuddles and laughs, cooks together and seeks shade from the sun. A love that lasts as long as I am on this earth.

I KNOW that WITH God ALL things ARE possible - even sending a man that isn't intimidated by a strong independent single mom who loves her daughter more than she ever dreamt she could.

Here is to NED, PEG and LOVE.
And so it IS.

I'm Gonna Love You Through It- Martina McBride LYRICS

Eight Years Ago Today Was My Last Blog Entry On Here (please excuse the dust!)

Eight years ago today was the last time I wrote on this "BeccaLovesBrooklyn" blog.  It was March 24, 2006 and I was living in Kansas City, Missouri. Today is March 24, 2014 and I am residing in Lindsborg, Kansas via Chicago, Illinois; Indianapolis, Indiana and the greatest city in the entire world: New York, New York. Eight years ago I was the single mom of a 2-1/2 year-old baby girl who is now 10-1/2 and in 4th grade. When I last blogged on here, I hadn't yet been diagnosed with Stage I Melanoma (skin cancer) but now I have Stage IV Metatastic Melanoma and am recovering from a lung lobectomy two months ago. Eight years ago I had never been married and now I wish I could say that I never was. Or, at least, not to the person I wasted my wedding vows on. Eight years ago I was working as a photographer and now I am working on my first book. Funny how life changes.

Eight years. Eight very fast and very long years.

I've had a lot of great things happen in that period of time and I've captured almost all of them through a photograph or a medical blog on my CaringBridge site.(http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/beccalovesbrooklyn) In that period of time, I have learned what Facebook is and used it for what it can be - an instantanious way to encourage people and do life together. Oftentimes I have referred to it as FAITHbook. I've seen the ways it can be used to hurt people, but I prefer looking at all the ways it can heal people and love on them from a distance. You can find me there almost every single day. I like to post the devotions I do in the morning from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young and Prayers For Emotional Wholeness by Stormie Omartian.

Something else life-changing happened just a week after my last entry on here. I found Vineyard Church, or rather, it found me. It was 2:30 pm on Saturday, April 1 and I went out to get the mail from our apartment at North Oak Crossing. There was a direct mail postcard from Vineyard Church that had the bare feet of a son, mom, dad and daughter under a puffy white down comforter and it said "Sleep in on Sundays!" Being in advertising and marketing, I pay a little more attention to "junk mail" than the average person. I thought it was cute and looked to find a spot for it on my already fully refrigerator. There were photos, inspirational messages, magnets from various trips and travels, appointment cards for doctor and dental visits and a Christmas-themed post card - on the first day of April. I thought I could bare to part with it and when I took it down I noticed that both it and the new post card were from a church called Vineyard. I smiled and thought it funny that I would want to display both of their mailings on my fridge, considering I had never been to that church before.

I looked closely at the new one and on the other side, to the left of my address with the words "Pendarvis Family" they advertised an exciting children's ministry and various service times, including a 4 pm Saturday service. I thought to myself "If Brooklyn wakes up in the next hour, we will go check this place out." We were Catholic - I had taken RCIA and converted when I lived in Ridgefield, Connecticut and was a nanny at the age of 21. Brooklyn was baptized Catholic on October 26, 2003 when she was just shy of two months old. Every Sunday morning we got up early and drove 40 minutes down to the inner-city, to our beloved Saint Theresa Little Flower and went to 9:15 mass. When I got the postcard from Vineyard Church, I thought "We can go there on Saturday and to St. Theresa on Sunday." Brooklyn woke within 20 - 30 minutes and because the mailing said to "Come as we are" - we went as we were. Me, holding a world of hurts and Brooklyn, easily won-over by the Dum-Dum lollipops given out after Sunday school. 

For the first time in my life, I experienced the feeling of the Holy Spirit - when your skin tingles and a still, small voice reassures you that you are in the right place and to just open up. With each word of the worship songs, I felt a part of my heart opening up in ways I hadn't felt since I gave birth to my daughter. The sermon was much more of a conversation/lesson from the incredibly anointed pastor, Fred Herron. Afterwards, I went up and introduced myself to him. I told him that if that was not the best sermon I had ever heard, it was for sure in the top three. I told him about getting the postcard from his church three hours earlier and deciding to just come. I told him we were Catholic and he said a lot of the people at the Saturday service were Catholics, too. He walked me up the aisle and out to the foyer to get a Journey Guide for me. He shared about a Bible study for moms. They were doing a study on the fruits of the spirit. I didn't know what those were, but his voice was so calming and reassuring when he told me to call a lady named Kate LaFrance who was co-leading the group.

I picked up Brooklyn from her Sunday school room and she joyfully picked out her first (of many!) lollipops. I was just as won-over with the free Roasterie coffee they had out, so I understood her happiness. From that point on, Brooklyn referred to Vineyard as the "Lollipop Church" and I couldn't argue, because by going there, our life became blessed by very sweet people who lived out the calling in the Bible to BE the hands and feet of Jesus and minister to one another. (1 Corinthians, ch. 12)

To this day I firmly, with 100% of my heart, believe that God knew what was ahead for us and that he sent us that Vineyard postcard knowing we would need our Vineyard family to help get us through things...things like cancer, releasing strongholds and relinquishing old hurts through Oaks of Righteousness, to moving, marrying an abusive, alcoholic, bi-polar mess-of-a-man, living in a domestic violence shelter, losing Grammy and getting a Stage IV cancer diagnosis in NYC and needing to move back to Kansas. Who knows what else the future holds, but I know our Vineyard family will be there to help us get through it with the grace of God. 

In the eight years I have been gone from here, I have been very much alive on CaringBridge. I can't say enough good things about the service CaringBridge provides when you are going through a major  health event. To be able to share updates and prayer requests and to get uplifting messages on the guestbook is beyond wonderful when you are going through something so emotionally and physically draining. I have started sharing things on my CaringBridge that would be better suited for a book, but for now I am going to start with blogging to give my writing a place to reside. Thanks for coming along for the ride.