Every scan done Wednesday (5/21/14) came back "great" according to my Melanoma Oncologist, Dr. Gary Doolittle. He said I made his job easy that day. On my way to KU Med Thursday to get my results, I was so confident that they would all be clear and that there would be NO active tumors, that I stopped by my favorite Kansas City ice cream shop - Murray's - for a pre-celebration cone of Smitty's French Lemon. On all the melanoma message boards, Facebook forums, Twitter and Instagram groups that I am a part of having to do with all things Stage IV Melanoma, people OFTEN complain about "scanxiety" - being anxious about their scans and awaiting the results. I have certainly experienced that before, but this time was different. As I told Mom, not even 1% of me was worried. I had THAT PEACE - the peace that TRULY surpasses ALL earthly understanding. (Phil 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.")
With my clean results, I am now able to shout from the rooftops, CaringBridge and Facebook that I am NED. When you have cancer, you WANT to be NED. NED is No Evidence of Disease. Because of my LDH and white blood cells, I still have melanoma and will always be Stage IV melanoma, but right now there are NO active tumors and THAT is what I care about the most. As I wrote in my Jesus Calling devotional yesterday, that buys me more time to spend BEing Brooklyn's mom and her tour guide. It allows me to encourage more people and share Jesus with everyone I know. It allows God to bring a strong man into my life who will love me through my cancer and not be threatened by the dynamic duo of The Pendarvis Girls. It allows me to have a fully open heart and make myself vulnerable to be loved by a caring, kind, intelligent, affectionate, hard-working, gentle, funny and compassionate man. A man that cooks as good as he looks. ;)
In addition to having NED, I also have PEG - Plenty of Evidence of God. NED and PEG go together like peanut butter and jelly, Becca and NYC, Sharpie pens and blank paper, rainy days and naps or red wine and rare steak. PERFECTLY. Through the past almost 15 months since my Stage IV diagnosis, I have had an abundance of blessings from God. Most, not all, but most, have come through OTHER PEOPLE. God has used so many of you to BE His Hands and Feet to Brooklyn and me. Whether you have taken subways to meet me at doctor appointments in the city (Jill and Angie), driven in from CT to take care of me, go to the ER, do massive amounts of research (Heather), help me move MULTIPLE times in NYC (again, Angie, along with my Washington Heights TGC crew), given us a beautiful, free place to stay on Riverside Drive (Courtney and Jerry!), unpack me in Lindsborg (Mom & Ed's church friends), drive UP and DOWN, and UP and DOWN I-70 to KU Med appts with me (MOM!!), watch Brooklyn for me (CC & Steve and Lorrissa and Auntie J & Uncle Carl and others), take me to the ER in Salina (Mor Mor), care for me (Aunt Peg), send cards, notes, gifts and PRAYERS (too many of you to give shout-outs to), send FOUR PINTS of THE BEST ICE CREAM IN THE WORLD overnight to me on dry ice (Ample Hills Creamery gang) or just read this blog and left encouraging words here or on Facebook - YOU have been used by God to show me PEG. I see PEG in the AWESOME, INCREDIBLE care I have been given at Memorial Sloan Kettering (NYC) and at The University of Kansas Cancer Center (KC). I see PEG in being covered by Medicare at the age of 44 and having the $7,200 every year to pay my out-of-pocket costs for the health care I am getting, along with the chemotherapy that has ranged from $4,300 - $14,560 per MONTH. I see PEG at my beloved Vineyard Church and in her people, from Curt leading worship to Fred teaching and to all our dear friends there who love us so very much!
In a couple of weeks I am going to see another example of PEG up close. Brooklyn and I have been GIFTED with our first trip to Hawaii. A lovely couple named Holly and Rick saw our video (www.vimeo.com/75652656) and contacted me. They want to bless us with a peaceful getaway at their guest cottage on Kauai. We fly to Honolulu on June 17th and are literally counting down the days. To say we are excited is an understatement. The number one thing at the TOP of my Bucket List is to swim with dolphins. This wish was made LONG before my Stage IV diagnosis. And it is going to come TRUE in three weeks! PEG, PEG, PEG!
Another dream I have (that part of me is even scared to share with you) is to fall in love for the LAST time. I want to be married. I want a husband. I want to model godly, romantic love to Brooklyn and provide her with an example of TRUE love. Love that is patient and kind, not jealous or self-seeking, love that keeps no records of wrongs and is not easily angered, love that protects, hopes, trusts and perseveres. Love that cuddles and laughs, cooks together and seeks shade from the sun. A love that lasts as long as I am on this earth.
I KNOW that WITH God ALL things ARE possible - even sending a man that isn't intimidated by a strong independent single mom who loves her daughter more than she ever dreamt she could.
Here is to NED, PEG and LOVE.
And so it IS.
I'm Gonna Love You Through It- Martina McBride LYRICS
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